Archive for July, 2015

I’m supposed to go back to work Monday (even Sunday according to the HR person who called me). Feeling just as bad, maybe worse than when it started.

Something came to our attention recently that drove something home really fast and hard. I already knew it, but my motivation is completely in the toilet. And flushed. Specifically pertaining to cleaning (and cooking).

Don’t know if I even mentioned it to the psychologist. She didn’t offer any causation or treatment, just marveled over how good a grasp I have on my own issues. I’m not even sure I know what I can do about this.  I used to see a good counselor but she isn’t covered by either of our health benefits. So I’d have to start all over with a new one. I really liked her.

I feel numb. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get scared. Maybe a different job would help. Maybe moving and purging and having less to have to clean. Maybe moving to Montreal. Maybe finally having (a) child(ren). Who knows?

I want to change, but my motivation is gone. I just keep running from it.

Value Village 30% off sale for card holders should distract me for a little while.


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June 23rd, 2015. On Sunday, the nurses called and left a message that everything was ready for my IVF cycle, prescriptions and all. I called back on Monday to ask about TDI instead, and they said I would have to make an appointment with the head physician.  So I called the receptionist who said the only appointment they had until September was this morning at 8:15 AM.  So I took it.

Surprisingly hassle free this time. Like I wanted to do in the first place (but needed to do all the tests anyway), I’ll be doing an unmedicated TDI, at only a 10% chance of a live birth (though a fellow private group member had an IUI with the same odds and she is 14 weeks now). They told me to get ovulation tests, take one each day before 8 AM, and call when it comes up positive. Ovia app says I will ovulate probably this weekend. If I call on a weekday, I can get in the same day. If I call on Saturday, I can get in the next day. But I’m pretty sure they said if I call on a Sunday, they may not be able to get me in till TUESDAY. Which would make the whole thing a write off. Everything crossed.

June 26th (the day same sex marriage was legalized in the US) got inseminated, unmedicated.

Visited Montreal from July 2nd to 9th for Comic Con, an anniversary gift from fiance. Had a blast.

July 10th, day 29 of my cycle when they have been anywhere from 32 to 36 days long… got my period.

Still have a couple of friends willing to donate sperm, and maybe one day, may be able to take advantage of IVF or even a combination natural/modified/mini stimIVM (maturation) to get a couple of mature eggs and some immature ones to culture in a lab. Originelle and McGill do this in Montreal, but waiting lists may be huge before October because of the surge in patients before Bill 20 closes the door on them/us for covered IVF cycles. Unlikely to be moving there before October anyway, moot point.

Considering getting him back on Fertilaid, CountBoost and maybe even Motility Boost now, the only things that made any difference (though sperm counts can vary widely, I worry about deterioration). Got a lot of multivitamins left to go through, and then there’s fish oil, ubiquinol (which I have to get today) and B12… something’s got to give, 7 Fairhaven pills plus those. Argh.

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