Archive for September, 2012

Well, what can I say? Readers’ Digest version… one guy I lived with for two years left me in Sept. 2011, another guy I was over the moon for came back into my life as a fwb, till I found I was expecting in Jan 2012… we briefly got together into a relationship, I miscarried Feb 2012 at ten weeks along, he left me a month later (after trying to stay together and attending couples’ counselling), stopped all communication the following month, and we caught up during and after a costume ball in early June.

In early July, I met my latest boyfriend, and he’s the best one I’ve had yet. This is the best match I’ve ever had, bar none. I’ve never been happier. That’s some feat, considering that as of this writing, I would have been 36 weeks along if I hadn’t miscarried. I still think about it, obviously, but I’m not as sad as I thought I would be at this point. I named him or her Rohana Nathan Miranda D. I’m thinking it might have been a girl.  Nana now has the snuggly baby she always wanted.  I have no doubt they, among other loved ones who have passed on, have had a hand in getting us together.

Rohana is a unisex name, Sanskrit, which means healing, ascension and medicine.  It’s also a link to Lord of the Rings (my doctor actually made me aware of it), two of three of which I watched while I was expecting.  Finally, it also represents a former mutual friend of the father (still possibly is of the father and has taken his side) & I who would have been honourary auntie, and also one of my favourite children in the centre I worked in.  Miranda is what we would have named her had she been born a girl, it is the other formal name that can be shortened to Mandy.  Both Miranda and Rohana are multisyllabic, which is what the father wanted.  We never really got beyond Michael as a boy’s name, but some inspiration I have going forward is from a couple of  beloved anime characters in My Neighbour Totoro; Satsuki, and Mei.  Which actually mean the same thing,  the month of May.  My middle name is Mae, and I’ve considered passing that middle name on as well.

For I now have renewed hope for a future, and a family, and I’ve never been so reassured about it before. Career-wise, well, I’m on EI… my experiences have taken me down several pegs. Still, I feel a calling to either work with a small group of kids and/or open a family resource centre focusing on attachment parenting. Or, perhaps research and write… my teacher in the research issues class recommended I try to attend university because of just how much I like to research (and it shows on Facebook). Honestly, I have confidence issues in most other things I want to or attempt to do… save for what I used to do in the call centre position I was in, but no one seems to be contacting me about those. Or I get to an interview at the most, and they send me a PFO email, letter or phone call.

Except, curiously, a temp agency. I thought for sure I’d flunked the MS Office tests, but I still got a call about an interview (should probably call back). Still stymied about the lack of full time call centre positions, though… but I guess they think that after pursuing ECE for two years and working in it for a year that I’ve become rusty.

Either way, I wish I could do something that I’m confident in and that I can enjoy.


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